I am here once more to scream into the void. A few days ago (Thursday 21/05/26) I completed the 2nd, final, and only* paper of my GCSE English. In the thick of exam season, this is hardly news, except for the fact that the first question heavily concerned the issue of published online diaries. The irony.
I have had a bad few days (and months but this is beside the point). In fact, if you asked me yesterday, I would have told you that I likely wouldn't live to witness the end of half term a week from now. We had a barbecue today, wherein my dad made the delicious shoulder of lamb that caused yesterday's controversies (don't ask). I enjoyed the food, and I enjoyed seeing our neighbours and their young children. Ever the pessimist however, there were a few negative takeaways which dwell in my mind now that they have gone home and my darling brother (age 2) has gone to sleep. My sister irks me enormously. Firstly, She decided to mock me for my height. I will admit to being below average for a boy of 16 -curse my south Asian genes- but I am still far taller than her. She went on to point out my lack of body hair, seemingly without even realising that this might hurt me, and then decided to imply to all our guests that i was poorly behaved and drinking mischeviously even though I had my dad's explicit consent. I am not as whiny a bitch as I may appear on this post, so i took this in good spirit and elbowed her in the side, and she marched off in a strop to go back to our mum's houce from whence she came.
I honestly couldn't tell you why this all got to me as much as it did, besides the fact that I'm pathetic. Of course, I am as susceptible as the next person to a few sips of the gin my friends bring to school, and recently, I've even been invited to a few parties, but I am on the whole a well behaved child and a straight A student, who pays all due attention to his GCSEs and sets a good example for his brother and sister. This upset aside, it really was very nice to indulge in good food and wine while aforementioned brother played with our neighbour's child (a 5 year old whom he adores) and to hold a newborn-sized 3 month old. Any day now, there will be an even tinier child in our own home. I can't wait to meet him.
*I was ill during paper 1, luckily my teachers arranged so that they would essentially double my paper 2 mark to derive my grade.

Hello, World. You will excuse the dead links on my site, which remains a work in progress. I am hardly a master programmer, and this world is somewhat new to me (Some may tell me that I should not leave links to unfinished sites lying around, to which I say 'piss off'). I had the first paper of my chemistry GCSE this morning, which went exceedingly well. I have proceeded to do absolutely no revision since (I write at 21:30). My activities for the remainder of the day (not to be confused with the brilliant novel by Kazuo Ishiguro: 'Remains of the Day') included

On the subject of the penultimate activity, I've decided that my friend (and my father, and my school) may perhaps be correct in their proposition that I am depressed. I feel mostly upset for the degree to which this affects her; I have become accustomed to ranting to her about my (often seemingly baseless) feelings of self hatred and defying any attempt she makes to comfort me while positing that she hates me, all while completely ignoring any words coming from her mouth (or rather thumbs, as i speak to her via mobile phone aside from the occasions a couple of times a month where we meet up). I have realised that this may hurt her feelings. One would think I cared very little about her; this could not be further from the truth: she has all of my love in her chest, however that counts for nothing, as I can do nothing to prove it or benefit her except tell her that. What does it say about my worth if even the feelings of love that consume me have only these feeble and inconsequential outlets. I sat today for almost an hour looking through subreddits that I knew would make me miserable, in spite of yesterdays promise that 'I'm trying to get better'. These ruminations do nothing to aid my feelings of self hatred. - L, 18/05/26